Ask A Historian

After finally regaining control of the snow in the yard, nature has seen fit to replace it all, and then some, over this coming weekend. Ha ha, that silly nature, always seeming to tell us and our little Toyota, "Up Yours!"

It is, however, not without it's little delights. No doubt the Fargo Forum did not set out to make my day, but they exceeded my inner 9 year-old's expectations with this brilliant beauty.

(And yes, since you're wondering, I may actually be the last person on the planet who still occasionally reads a newspaper. Who knew they still made these things?!)

Speaking of old and things 'past-it', let's move to the history corner where we can ask all sorts of pressing questions with regard to our past:

Q. Why do I have to read this crap for History class?

A. Because The American Society of University Professors Who Are Never in Their Offices need job security you little twit, so just pretend you even cracked the cover, and we'll let it slide.

There is actually a trick to reading medieval literature. Because for the most part, they lacked the common courtesy to write in modern English, this was the 'days of yore' you will recall, and frankly, we're pretty sure there was a lot of 'yore' laying about the place, so these old, white, dead guys and the occasional Julian of Norwich, put pen to paper quite often, and continued to be miffed that Gutenberg was taking his sweet time to getting around to opening that Print Shop.

It was also the age of metaphors. When authors of this period talk about 'bird watching', we promise you, they are not ornithologists. You see, feudalism and Christianity were so popular, it ran under the themes of: if you could work hard, avoid witches, followed the rules, and proved to be a 'team player', you might live healthy and well right into your late 20's. Metaphors were a way for the whole, maybe, 3?, literate folks in the country to get around saying something so horrible, it would get you barbecued and quartered.

Examples:
Beheading = "I think the king is a ninny."
Modified = "I think the king is a ninny, and I hope he doesn't use a metaphor to remove my head."